Poem: Ain't never done right

When I look back over my life
Such a vicious tally is what I see
I ain’t never done right by nobody
That has done right by me
So much negative karma
My soul could never be free

I spent part of the night trying to fall asleep
Bad thoughts running through my head
All kicked off by one thought, one sight
Seeing my dog licking her leg until it was raw
Seeing the pink skin where she was trying to stop the itching, the pain
And after I turned off the light, listening to her licking her leg
I could only think I hadn’t done right by her

I could only think I hadn’t done right by her
I could only think I hadn’t done right by anyone or anything in my life
My thoughts expanded from around my bedroom,
The unclean house
The unfixed doors
The unmown lawn
The crumbling porch
The half – done garden path
I reviewed more of my life
I hadn’t done right by my dog
I hadn’t done right by my friends
By my parents
By my brother
By my grandparents
By the rest of my family

I haven’t done right by my job
I haven’t done right by my coworkers

I haven’t done right by my ideas
By my intelligence
By my luck in life
By those that have helped me be in a place where I could be doing great things

I have a friend that people flock to
She makes everyone feel like a better person when they are around her
And warms their hearts when they think of her
She does more for people than it would even occur for other people to do
She’s so far in the positive side
She would never think how something would be for her benefit
And that’s what makes her great

My parents
I am not sure what I can say about my parents
I know they would do anything simply to make sure we kids were happy
Regardless of how it would affect them
We have taken advantage of that at times
Although I am trying not to anymore

I am an intelligent person, I can grasp big numbers
I can’t measure what I owe them
I can’t think of how I would begin to pay them back
To reciprocate for them, for anyone, what they have done for me
To get me to where I should be great
And it is much worse to know I am not great
I think I have talent and desire
Talent and desire without drive is utterly meaningless
Much more painful than failing
A much bigger sin to count

My friends have been so good to me
Tried to lift when I tired so hard to dive
And I have let so many of them slip away
I haven’t done right by them, not by a long shot

I haven’t given back anywhere near what I have received
I am the opposite of my golden friend above
She radiates love and is strengthened by it
I simply suck
Suck love given to me and am weakened by it
By not returning stronger than I get

I ain’t never done right by those that done right by me

10/5/05 1:42:32 AM

American Haiku

Apparently there is a difference. I just found that out since I was looking up the form of haiku when someone else wrote one on the 10 spot blog yesterday, and then I wrote another. Here's one I wrote last night in bed.

Current conundrum
Giving seems to be growing
Poverty is too

Daily Thoughts

Just wanted to pop on and talk about progress on a few of the things I am working on to get my life straight.

I had gone since Sunday until Wednesday night without having a cola product. That ended tonight, and I ate very badly tonight with no justification. I feel bad about that. So that means I need to make good food choices for the next few days. I would normally have another indulgance on Friday (Tuesday is always my first one, golf night), but I will give that up and work out instead. I need to get better about going to the gym on TWL off days. That is where the real weight is lost.

I have been good about water and eating fruit and veggies at work, and I feel better because of it.

Getting to work on time is still a struggle, but it is my decision and I need to make that decision better, that is all there is too it. So I will be doing it right from now on. I will be.

Anyway, I am going to go watch the hockey game, but I found this snippet of poetry, thought I would put it out here.

For in the the end all we have are the memories
The tears dry
The laughter fades
But we can recall the girl that broke your heart and made you cry
And the turn of phrase that made you roar with laughter
And the friends that said it and helped you get over her.

Sean