Deconstructing my dreams

The huge smiling face of Lauren Graham was not enough to pick up my spirits on the way to work today. I woke up late and very upset about it. It even affected my dreams. I had a dream that has been a recurring theme for many years, even though it might have different details. I was taking the CPA exam again (which I will never have to do, since I passed on my first time, 13 years ago, ) and was panicking since I could not get the exam started. It was taking place in a big auditorium, like Hale Auditorium in the old Michigan Business School (which might have been torn down by now), and I could not find a place to sit that wasn't taken or saved, or that was comfortable, or I could write my exam. The exam, while I knew it was the CPA exam, had nothing to do with accounting, and the booklet was like a binder of baseball cards. If I could find a place to sit for a few minutes, I would start to write my exam and found that I didn't have the paper to write on, or when I started to write the answers, I looked at the paper and you couldn't read my answers since it was scrap paper for something else, so I had to find more paper, and all the time I can see everyone else calmly getting through the exam and even treating like a party, with refreshments outside the room and people moving in and out and just having a grand old time. I woke up in a panic. I felt like my chest was tight.

The wrong reaction was to lay back down and try to relax, since I soon fell asleep and that made me late.

I know the meaning of the dream, like I said, the theme is something I have dealt with for a while. It was a subconscious knowledge of not being able to get started on something, mostly not being able to get up and start the day as I want, and consequently, not getting forward in my life. The problem is simple, I am not programming myself to make the correct decision in the morning. I need to put more effort (a "deliberate and determined effort" as my therapist puts it) into the programming the night before so that when the alarm goes off, the only thought in my head is Get Up and into the shower. Never again can it be, oh, I can sleep another 9 minutes or I just need a little more rest. I cannot do that anymore, it causes to much stress on me, my friends, family, co-workers, bosses. My bosses have been very good to me, and it time I start being better to them. Some would say that would indicate I should not be blogging at work, but I assure you there is a process running in the background that takes up a lot of my computer processing power and concentration if I let it. It's also my lunch time. But you are still correct, I should be working harder.

As I said at the beginning, Lauren didn't get me into a good mood, but her and the Taco salad for lunch finally did. In a strong position for a good afternoon of work. I have fruit here, plenty of water and a plan for the rest of the day.

Work until 7
go home, cook the sirloin patty in my fridge, with some asparagus and rice.
clean kitchen
straighten house and put clothes away
go to gym (including some hot tub time)
go to bed

A good afternoon and evening, and all the time I will be putting the correct message in my brain (another quote from my therapist) about getting up on time tomorrow, and Saturday. And from now on.

BTW, my friend Kathy is in Nawlin's for Jazz fest, just wanted to say hi and wish her a great time.

Sean

Daily Thoughts

Just wanted to pop on and talk about progress on a few of the things I am working on to get my life straight.

I had gone since Sunday until Wednesday night without having a cola product. That ended tonight, and I ate very badly tonight with no justification. I feel bad about that. So that means I need to make good food choices for the next few days. I would normally have another indulgance on Friday (Tuesday is always my first one, golf night), but I will give that up and work out instead. I need to get better about going to the gym on TWL off days. That is where the real weight is lost.

I have been good about water and eating fruit and veggies at work, and I feel better because of it.

Getting to work on time is still a struggle, but it is my decision and I need to make that decision better, that is all there is too it. So I will be doing it right from now on. I will be.

Anyway, I am going to go watch the hockey game, but I found this snippet of poetry, thought I would put it out here.

For in the the end all we have are the memories
The tears dry
The laughter fades
But we can recall the girl that broke your heart and made you cry
And the turn of phrase that made you roar with laughter
And the friends that said it and helped you get over her.

Sean

Daily Update

So I didn't get to work on time. Very upset by that, but I am not going to let it affect the other good things I am going to do today. I had a good salad for lunch, with the chicken breast I grilled yesterday and the veggies I brought in (carrots, broccoli, pea pods). This reduced my bill by about 3 bucks, since I also didn't get coke. I am going to try to go the entire day with no coke. We shall see. So far, no major problems.

Sunday evening

This has been an interesting weekend. I actually did a lot to take of myself this weekend. I didn't go to the gym yesterday like I should have. Let me rephrase that, I slept through my team weight loss session like a punk ass bitch. I was quite upset with myself and decided that I needed to start living my life for what needs to be done and not on the indulgances. So, I did I a number of things that needed to be done. I raked and mowed the loan, I bought new workout shoes and rain golf gear, started laundry, went to an IIA dinner event at Second City (quite funny, I would recommend the show and the dinner was great). Sunday was shopping, finish laundry and cooked good dinner and a few extra chicken breasts for salad this week. I am quite proud of myself. And I watched a number of things on my DVR. It's almost below 80% full now.

So my new running shoes and myself will be working hard tomorrow, after a good day of getting to work on time, accomplishing a number of things, eating a good lunch and snacks. After that good workout, a little time in the hot tub, an energy bar and a sirloin patty with rice and asparagus for dinner and an early bedtime. This is going to be my Monday.

One of my new favorite quotes - "11.50 for a hamburger? Y'all must be crazy!" From the Miller High Life commercial.

Later.

Daily Thoughts

Hi, I know it has been a while, but I have been trying to catch back up to my life - it's a fast one you know - and haven't had a lot of time to think. In fact, my week has looked like this:
Sunday - golf, playoffs, sleep, laundry
Monday - got to work late, tried to catch up at work, Team Weight Loss class, sleep
Tuesday - worked in Auburn Hills, go to therapy in Farmington Hills, then work in Livonia, then golf, got home about 10:30, sleep
Wednesday - got to work late, tried to get some stuff done, had Team Weight Loss class, work at home, sleep
Thursday - dr appt in morning, meetings in afternoon, stay at work (being productive) until 7, then went to sleep therapy session.
Friday - meeting in morning, trying to stay awake, probably leaving early for co-worker retirement party.

Not saying that I am anything special, but just tired and unable to catch up on my stuff. Too much stuff on the DVR to watch and read and work. And my mailbox door finally completely fell off, so that needs to be replaced this weekend, along with buying new workout shoes. I am tired of my leg going numb during my workout. I am going to try Running Fit in Livonia, since I need to go to Golfsmith anyway.

Did I mention the 9 am workout Saturday morning? Do I look happy about that?

Sean

Daily Thoughts

Not paying attention during my Certified Data Analyst class, so I thought I would get out here and blog a little. This conference (ACL Connections 2007) has been a great time, I have met many people who are as fascinated about data analysis as I am, and learned many things, and found that many people share the same concerns about promoting ACL use in their organizations. Plus, during these conferences I spend a lot of time thinking about how I can use whatever I happen to be learning to improve my organization. I usually come back with a large number of questions I need to investigate, but finding the appropriate people to ask can be tough. I still think that makes the exercise valuable, even if it is not obvious. As I am listening to the various presentations, especially when it is business based, not detailed how to based, my mind usually kicks in with many insights into our company.

I have to take the test tomorrow, so that means, unlike every other night, tonight I will be staying in and not drinking stronger Canadian beer. I found a new beer Kokanee, really good stuff. I have had a lot of it in the last few days.

I have found a restaurant I like, Earl's; there were more beautiful waitresses there than I have ever seen, and the tv's were everywhere. And the burger I had was really, really flavorful. We hope to head back there after just destroying this exam tomorrow.

I should be listening. Later

From Vancouver

I am on break of my conference (ACL Connections 2007) and so I thought I would do a quick post about Vancouver. This seems like a great town and I could see living here. The downtown area is pretty cool and has a neat vibe to the city. Our hotel is right downtown and I think I could really appreciate city living. One of the introductory speakers said in Vancouver you can ski in the morning, golf in the afternoon and sail at night, everything is right here. The only bad thing is that all the games start three hours earlier, which is kind of a pain for noon games, although good for 7 pm games, since you can watch the game over dinner and then go out for the evening.

Yesterday, as I was wondering around downtown to find someplace that served breakfast and had the Wings game on, I watched part of the Sun Run, apparently Canada's largest 10k run. There was 50,000 people there and bands every few blocks new the starting area. Seemed like a lot of fun. It hurt my legs just watching it. Maybe I should do that some day, who knows.